How to ask for a divorce without causing more harm

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Asking for a divorce has the potential to complicate your life in many ways. Once you share your true feelings, your personal life will never be the same, while the impact on your finances will be far-reaching.

As you prepare to ask your spouse for a divorce, keep in mind that there are many things you can do to remove tension from the conversation and prevent a massive argument. Here are some ideas to consider:

  • Get to the point: Beating around the bush is only going to increase tension, so get to the point as quickly as you can. It’s tough to spit out your intentions, but once you do you’ll feel relieved. This goes along with choosing the right time and place for your discussion.
  • Be honest: Dodging the truth sounds like a good way to spare your spouse’s feelings, but it only complicates matters. Stick to the facts and nothing but the facts, no matter how much you want to avoid them.
  • Don’t discuss the future: It sounds like the right time to discuss the future, such as matters surrounding child custody and property division. However, if you go down this path, you can expect the conversation to take a turn for the worse. When tension is high, you’re not likely to agree on anything, especially details that will impact the two of you forever.
  • Talk about your children: If you have children together, it’s okay to discuss the basics, with an eye toward the steps you’ll take to maintain stability on their behalf. You don’t want to discuss things such as custody and child support right now. Your primary focus should be the immediate future and what you can do to help them through this difficult time.

If your spouse agrees that a divorce is best, it’s often easier to have this conversation. However, if you catch them off guard by asking for a divorce, it could quickly turn into something you weren’t expecting.

On the positive side, once you share your intentions with your spouse, you can turn 100% of your energy toward the future, which includes preparing for the divorce process.